


Is There A Dark Before The Dawn?

by cathexisdnp



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Theatre, M/M, Multi, Musicals, YouTuber Phil Lester, director pj, theatre dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-07-03 01:20:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15808428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathexisdnp/pseuds/cathexisdnp
Summary: Daniel Howell has been the most influential theatre star of recent years. Every step he takes is captured by photographers and followed by his eons of followers. He has been put forward for PJ Liguori’s groundbreaking new musical which has two male leads, among speculation of his sexuality in the media. His hidden sexuality isn’t the only complication in Daniel’s life however, as YouTuber Phil Lester will be his co-star and unbeknownst to Daniel, he has a hidden agenda.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> my first published work on ao3. wow. okay. there's a playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/user/livvy.murphy/playlist/13uv1xW2VAGGi4vqTJkwYt?si=Ce0bkMF4Q9S6QK6g366rrQ and i'd just like to say that, yes it gets better from here.

The thud of excessive droplets of rain hitting the car window lulled Daniel out of his lullaby of thought. His eyes skimmed across the road as the morning pedestrian rush moved fast against the grey skyline of mismatched umbrellas as the sound of the latest generic pop hit thudded throughout the vehicle, causing slightly pained ears.

 “Far too early for this volume-level of shit.” He muttered, straining his neck to face afar from the man seated next to him.

“Apologies for that Dan. ‘Scuse me mate? Turn the radio down.” His manager, Ben commanded from his right side, reaching forward as if telling off the driver that the studio had sent for the duo.

One thing Dan absolutely detested was when mere acquaintances felt it correct to automatically nickname him. Ben was by no means a stranger of sorts anymore, but the moment Dan had walked into his office at the innocent age of seventeen, the managing mogle had felt the time fit enough to nickname him like they were lifelong pals. He was Dan to himself, to the small number of people that he could eventually open his life up to. Daniel Howell was the ironic pseudonym he held aligned with fame, twelve letters representing the twelve gruelling years of hard-work that got him many places in life, among signing paperwork in Ben’s office just three and a half years ago.

 “How much further until the studio?” He vaguely heard Ben enquire, entranced as always with the outside world around him.The complete stand-still that their sleek minivan was held up in was nothing short of surprising when it came to the early London traffic. Aside from losing precious sleeping time (which was always hard to come by) Dan thoroughly enjoyed having the mind-numbing occasions where he could fantasise about the lives bustling across the road in front of him or sat idle in their own vehicles around him. Each one heading in its unique path, when inevitably the destination for each thumping heart was the same.“Around five minutes, Sir. Traffic is heavy this morning.” The tone in the driver’s voice held both sorrow and panic, much to Dan’s amusement as there was a greater force than the driver’s will to get them to their destination playing factors with time. Dan tried to tune out Ben’s tut of disappointment. 

Dan thought onto what was oncoming in terms of the day ahead. The thoughts surrounding appearing on the most popular morning television show in Great Britain didn't phase him anymore however, he knew that a series of well-practiced lies flowing elegantly from his faux lips would woo the presenter as always. Something Dan always dreaded happening. The only problem Dan had, was not having the ability to recall what the show he was about to appear on was called.

 “Ben, can you remind me of today’s agenda please?” He gulped, letting his facade down and finally being able to meet Ben’s gaze for the first time that morning.

“Are you serious right now Dan?” Ben looked furious, like he always did no matter how well Dan was doing. “You’re on Wake Up With Wendy from eight-thirty until twenty-five past nine. You have nothing until after lunch, then you have a shoot for an Instagram campaign. You approved all of this agenda weeks ago, how can you forget?” Dan bit down harshly on his tongue to prevent a sarcastic comment about how he shouldn’t need to remember anything when Ben runs his life on his behalf if he does successfully achieve memory recall or not.

 Their vehicle pulled into the television studios, instantly being let by the barrier and being allowed to slowly make its way underground to the carpark a few stories below the main studio, where Dan was headed. Dan watched the levels of light transforming from murky daylight to the false fluorescents of the car park and inevitably, the corridors of the studio, musing at the probable fluctuation in the size of his pupils. Dan allowed himself to be guided into a decently sized private dressing room, treatment he assumed to be from the host of the show herself.

 

“Hello Mr. Howell. Welcome back to Meredith studios! It’s a delight to have you back.” One of the studio staff greeted him.

“Call me Daniel, please.” He smiled with ease, much to the delight of Ben’s watchful eye over every interaction Dan had with people in the industry.

“Alright. Daniel it is.” Dan returned the woman’s polite laughter with his own. “You’ve been briefed on Wendy’s questions for you this morning. Gemma over here will just put some cover-up on that face of yours - not like you need it Mr... Daniel. You’re on as soon as the workout week V.T ends and on air until the end of the show. I must remind you to avoid profanities and that you either leave your phone with your people, or just have it turned off while you’re on the show.”

“Of course. Thank you so much for your helpful information.” Dan smiled, flashing his teeth and making sure to crinkle his eyes so that the woman felt slightly more at ease.

 

The whirlwind of backstage conundrum thudded against Dan’s ever-aching ear drum, ensuing a sense of detachment from the buzz orbiting him. He had little recollection of Gemma combing his eyelashes and taming his eyebrows before applying a thin layer of powder foundation. The woman returned to remind him of the information he had heard on countless occasions before Dan was headed down the protracted corridor and directed to the famous yellow sofa of the Wake Up With Wendy studios. Dan took note of the suit Wendy herself donned, and he snickered to himself at the clash of her blazed sunset torso alongside the dizzying canary sofa. Wendy’s long blonde hair fell in the classic waves that rose-coloured TV show hosts always did and her smile that introduced the video segment of her workout challenge faded after she had been given the all clear. Until her eyes landed on Dan.

 

“Daniel, darling.” She gushed, air kissing Dan’s cheeks before sitting in the loveseat opposite Dan’s sofa.

“On air in five, four…”

Wendy angled her face toward the camera opposite her seat and plastered the overly-excited expression onto her face. It wasn’t fake in terms of menace much like other smiles Dan had encountered throughout his career, just fake in terms of Wendy looked tired and downcast below her own layers of makeup.

 

“You can see how I’m getting on with the challenge set for me on tomorrow’s show and join the movement yourself on our website.” Wendy’s posture changed, showing inclusion toward Dan, as the camera to his left began to focus in.  

“Now, one of my favourite guests to have ever been on the show has joined us once again. Welcome Mr. Daniel Howell!” Dan smiled, genuinely as he met Wendy’s pale green iris’.

“If you don’t know who the incredible Daniel Howell is, I can assure you that you have been missing out. The twenty year old got signed to Ben Silver’s iconic team at the tender age of seventeen, fresh out of his second Westend role. Daniel debuted at twelve years old, playing Zack Mooneyham in School of Rock back in twenty-ten.”

“Now Dan, before we get onto the topic that everyone is wanting me to talk to you about: how have you been and what have you been up to?” Dan’s heart began to thud as he settled his palms against his knees and breathed in deeply.

“I’ve been doing absolutely amazing if I’m honest, Wendy. You’re looking well, I may add.” He threw in the compliment for good measure, which worked somehow if judged by the ever-growing Cheshire cat-like smile on the hosts face. “I’ve been working closely with Lush recently and I’m excited to announce that I’ll be releasing my own collection with them in the coming months.”

“That sounds so intriguing, tell us how involved you were in process.” Dan explained the months of honing the recipe among other things such as names, the types of products in the collection and why he wanted to work with such a “controversial” brand (something Dan wholeheartedly disagreed with) but nonetheless all inquiries Dan had been prepped on beforehand.

 

“Moving on to the topic that we’ve had so many tweets about. Everyone was begging me to ask you about these Dan. Can you give us any inside scoop on the new project hitting the musical scene a bit later in the year, that we hear you’ll be starring in.” Wendy crossed her legs to move even closer as Dan briefly thought how to articulate his thoughts.

“I can kindly announce on behalf of my dear friend, PJ Liguori that the work is called Lost Boy and is a story consisting of two lead males, one of whom is more comfortable with his sexuality than the other, due to their different life experiences growing up and such. It will be an honour to portray such an important character in an incredible story that will engage people who may be less educated in growing up away from ‘the norm’ or portrayed as sugar-coated in the media. Yeah.” Dan mentally facepalmed at the air quotes he had made a few seconds prior but thought on to the next question which he sadly knew was coming; all due credit in Ben’s corner.

“That honestly sounds incredible, Daniel. But before we carry on, we have a surprise for you and everyone at home as well. PJ Liguori is on the show, everyone!”

 

Dan’s head shot up to meet the nervous expression of PJ, whose legs only just managed to cross the studio and deposit next to Dan safely. The two half-hugged on the sofa, the other boy shooting a brief apologetic look in Dan’s direction as his gaze settled onto Wendy, whom unlike Dan knew what was going on.

“PJ is here with a very special announcement regarding Lost Boy everyone, take it away.” Wendy encouraged, eyes sparkling. Dan decided that she knew what was going on, pondered if Ben was also involved.

“That’s right.” PJ confirmed, shifting his eyes back to rest somewhere at Dan’s earlobe. “After months of searching, we have finally found the right person to fulfil the challenging role of Peter and now that everything is finalised, I am beyond happy to announce that it is…” Dan’s mind raced through the list he had put together in his mind, someone from his School of Rock days; a budding actor from the latest ITV three-part series or a Westend great.

 

A video began to play on the flat screen television positioned slightly behind the middle ground of Wendy’s chair and the sofa Dan and PJ were both uncomfortably perched on. A short video clip of a young man, hardly older than Dan himself played on the screen, montage inspired shots of him in different countries laughing with friends or sat more solemnly in front of the camera alone, in what looked like a posh master bedroom of a central London flat. His hair was flat in a fringe, blue eyes ejecting such pure happiness. Dan noticed that he adjusted his fringe often, nails painted in each shot a brilliant colour.  Dan’s blood began to boil as he pieced together what was unfolding before his eyes.

 

“Please welcome, Phil Lester.” Wendy spoke as Dan fought with his face muscles initial reaction to the news, barely avoiding his jaw hitting the fake wooden floor. A Celebrity. Ruining his and PJ’s masterpiece.

Phil Lester had an awkward smile playing at his lips as he albeit strutted toward the sofa from a doorway decorated with smoke from a machine. The Phil of right now had his hair styled upward in a slick quiff, making him look a lot older than the video had. Phil took a seat on the other side of PJ, shaking his hand. Dan mentally prepared for an awkward exchange but nothing occurred as Phil trained his gaze onto Wendy, eyes full of fear. Dan adjusted his outstretched hand to evaporate the awkward tint to the air by adjusting his own curly upward hairdo.

“Aside from your ever-growing channel on YouTube, what attracted you to the role of Peter, or a musical in general?” Wendy asked, Phil taking a few seconds for what Dan assumed to become mentally prepared.

“Well, my boyfriend Sam and I are avid LGBTQ plus advocates and work closely with charities set up to aid the youth of the community through hard times. I’ve been plastered as a controversial YouTuber for reasons that I don’t agree with and as soon as I came across the complexity of Peter, I felt the need to portray him in the correct way, that so many of our brothers and sisters can cradle dearly.” Dan wanted to simultaneously give Phil Lester a high five and spit on his shoes.

“So, you are in a relationship with a man Phil, that much is clear. Dan, can you comment on how your romantic life is going.” Dan had known this question was approaching at some point in the interview but a time he did not expect it to occur, was right now.

“Currently, I’m single. However, I don’t see how that’s relevant to Lost B-”

“We just wanted to know how you fit in with the role of Gabriel, Dan. Phil is obviously going to relate to the role, but how will you capture the essence of Gabriel, being straight?”

 

Dan had never candidly spoken about his sexuality in the media and under his contract with Ben, he was not allowed to identify as anything other than heterosexual, in order to keep his title of “most followed star of stage” with the army of mainly women supporters that kept up-to-date with everything Dan said, did and didn’t say. Being managed in such a way made Dan very unsure of his sexuality for years, the spiral dragged him down momentarily before he realised that the majority of the UK were waiting for him to open his mouth and give a valid answer to the extremely intrusive question.

“Anyone that knows me will recognise that I am no stranger to new and exciting roles. Gabriel is a character I have seen develop around me since PJ sent me the first draft of the script years ago. By this point, we are one in the same, even if my real-life personal agenda does not align with his own, I know that I will be able to convey his unique approach to the world.” Dan gulped, eyeing Ben’s frustrated physique in the corner of the room, behind the cameras. He hoped his answer had been satisfactory, the struggle of making Ben clear his future plans to star in PJ’s small-theatre production instead of moving up to the endless higher opportunities had been a struggle, never mind letting him play a gay part when his manager was so hellbent on keeping the heteronormative state of mind.

 

The rest of the interview passed at an agonisingly slow pace, with Dan forgotten to the background now that social media was rife with questions for Wendy to interrogate this Phil Lester with. Milliseconds after one of the crew had yelled “and we’re out!” Dan had dropped the fake smile and false aura of confidence, not even to bid farewell to Wendy’s now flirtatious gaze.

“What the _fuck_ was that ambushing me live on telly, announcing an absolute nobody as _our_ Peter, PJ.” He hissed, grabbing at PJ’s wrist in frustration.

“Were you even listening to that interview, Dan? He’s hardly a nobody, he’s going to launch this project from a small little theatre to the Westend, just you wait.”

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one doing that, PJ? You know, your best mate. The one that’s been on the Westend. Was I not good enough for you?” Dan was fully gob smacked, his ego bruised.

“Excuse me?” Dan tore his eyes from the slightly hurtful expression on PJ’s face to the presence behind him. It almost matched him in height, but the voice felt a lot smaller.

 

He was greeted by a dazzling yet still awkward smile, and a now extended hand, the nails of which were painted the same canary yellow of the damned sofa on which they had met.

“We haven’t properly introduced ourselves. Hi Dan. I’m AmazingPhil, it’s lovely to finally meet you.”

 

Dan wanted to melodramatically die right there on the spot.

 

 


	2. II

As soon as the introduction had left Phil’s lips, all Dan wanted to do was laugh and proceed with an angry monologue about how fucking pretentious he sounded. No matter how much he worked hard for the LGBTQ plus community; nothing would override the necessary talent that was needed to carry this show on his back. Thus, Dan instead met the wide-eyed gaze of “AmazingPhil” and choked back his frustration by subtly correcting his largest pet peeve.

“Daniel. I wish I could say likewise, but alas I had no idea you would be the Peter that PJ has spent two years looking for.” The pair awkwardly laughed. Dan could see in his peripheral vision that PJ looked absolutely gobsmacked as well as second-hand embarrassed - for whom was the question in Dan’s mind.

“Sorry, Daniel? Daniel. I’ll make a mental note of that.” Phil couldn’t meet Dan’s gaze, which was both questioning and intense rather than matching the innocent tone to his last sentence.

“Yeah, not to sound rude or anything but I only let people really close to me call me Dan. You don’t and probably won’t ever qualify.” Dan realised that his tone was more than just rude as soon as the words had left his mouth. Phil’s mouth upturned, and he shuffled awkwardly, Dan assumed due to the nervous energy which he had just curated.

 “Not to be that guy.” PJ butted in, perhaps more for Phil’s benefit than Dan’s, not far off sliding between the two as if he were breaking up a fight. “A television studio is not the best place for all of this awkward air. Dan, do you want to come to brunch with Phil and I? Let it be both celebratory for Lost Boy having a complete cast and an introductory get-to-know-your-on-stage-love-interest kinda meal. You’ll be spending the next few months together after all.”

Dan pondered the proposal for a millisecond or so. He decided on declining following the pang of insecurity after realising that PJ and Phil already had their plans and were inviting him out of courtesy.

“Sorry Peej. I don’t want to be tempted by carbs before this Insta campaign that I have this afternoon. You guys go ahead though, I’ll have to catch up with you both sometime soon.” Dan raised his hands up, palms facing his best friend and new colleague in a weak surrender-styled pose.

“Sometime soon my arse, Daniel Howell. You’ll meet us tomorrow. Dinner out or just hanging out at one of our places, I honestly do not care. Just need you both to create a bond, you know how hard-hitting the musical will be.” PJ’s words rang truth in Dan’s ears, he knew the most gracious thing to do would be to accept the offer on brunch, he had hours to kill before the campaign for both food and friendship to digest. Much like his dancing - which needed some work, Dan was not gracious nor one to take the high road.

“Yeah alright, I just hope a YouTuber of all people can emit such emotions and responses from the audience. Your funeral PJ.”

 Dan’s racing mind attempted to provide him valid reasons why his response to such a menace-less offer was acceptable. It was as if he had performed a dramatic microphone drop, promptly exiting the studio and exchanging parting words with Ben in the dressing room before grabbing his duffel bag and exiting the Meredith studios complex, promising to meet him at the Instagram campaign shoot. Dan decided that he had spoken so harshly to AmazingPhil’s Phil Lester because he was not someone that Dan deemed good enough to carry out all of his best friend’s dreams. The counter argument however, was that Dan knew absolutely nothing about what Phil Lester’s industry was whatsoever so realistically had no validity to make such judgements and comments. The pinnacle of Dan’s knowledge about YouTube besides watching Vine compilations with PJ on a Saturday night was appearing in promotional behind the scenes style videos as well as taking part in a couple of interviews. If it was this that Phil made a living from, he had absolutely no grounds to be the co-lead of such a ground-breaking theatre production.

 Dan’s pace quickened as he headed toward one of his many safe-havens. One of his many joint pros and cons was overworking to hone a skill at times when he felt guilty about something and Dan needed his physical dance abilities to match his ability to metaphorically dance out of an awkward situation. It was a perfect distraction and self-punishment for himself as well as beneficial to PJ and the musical due to their being some contemporary numbers to perform. Instead of the purpose of a song to convey energy and having fun, Dan was constantly reminded was to emit emotions from his character and cause diverse, deep audience reaction. Luckily for him, the different obligations for the day seemed to be in close geographical proximity, so Dan could walk to each venue with ease.

 “Excuse me, are you…? Oh my God it is you! Hi Daniel.” Dan turned slightly at the crossroads he was currently waiting for to change to a red light for the bustling traffic. Two girls, probably not much younger than him in age were smiling shyly, phones in hand.

“Hello.” Dan smiled down at the girls, adjusting his bag over his shoulder and winking quickly.

“We were so gutted that we were missing you on Wake Up but who knew we’d be running into you on our way to college.” the more confident of the two declared.

“We saw on Twitter that Phil is being your co-lead, I’m honestly so happy about it, we’ve been begging him to post a singing video for years and now he’s doing a bloody musical! Do you think he’ll post a video about the musical? Maybe a Q and A or an amazing adventure vlog?”

Dan took a deep inhale, relieved that the two hadn’t the information to form an opinion about how the interview had gone and probably wouldn’t question him on why he had been so quiet from the point of AmazingPhil’s entrance.

“That was the first time I’ve met Phil, so I’m not sure how he does things on YouTube, but if it’s like that then he probably might. Is there anything you want me to sign, or shall we take some selfies?” Dan was making sure to keep as positive as possible when talking about Phil, there was no doubt in his mind that these girls would be recalling the whole experience meeting him on twitter for the whole world - and Ben - to see.

“Could you do a video message for my friend and then take a selfie with me please?” The other girl inquired. Dan complied, speaking in a bubbly tone and blowing a kiss in the video and angling the phone camera up high to capture a defined jawline and make sure the lighting was decent enough. He knew how special these moments probably were to the girls.

“It was lovely to meet you, I hope to see you soon.” Dan smiled again, noticing now he had missed the lapse in traffic to cross the road three times.

“We will come and see you and Phil in the musical. Please post some selfies together.” The girls giggled at the thumbs up Dan responded with and continued on their way.

 

“That was intense for the brain today.” Dan muttered to nobody as he began to cross the road finally, wishing nothing more than the day and talk about AmazingPhil to come to an end.

 

-/-

 

Phil pushed open the front door to his flat with an exasperated sigh. He could finally evaporate the overly-positive and carefree persona of AmazingPhil for the rest of the evening. It was only necessary for him to switch it on again when he was to meet up with Daniel and PJ the following evening and for that, he was grateful. Phil was not playing tricks consisting of smoke or mirrors when it came to how he acted on YouTube and in the public eye in general; it was just as if he was stepped up a notch. Always smiling, always positive and always the bigger person. Phil believed that due to people, especially those in difficult situations, came to his channel in order to find some form of release, or a bandage to help recover from pain. It would be unfair for him to put more negativity out into the world than there is already. Overthinking about his channel, which had been persistent throughout the duration of the day since his departure from the Wake Up With Wendy studios led back to the hurtful and quite unnecessary comment from Daniel Howell himself. Some sector of his brain acknowledged that Daniel had every right to pass judgement about Phil’s content, as everybody else. It angered Phil that Daniel had never heard him sing properly or act out monologue from the script before slandering his best friend’s decision to cast Phil as Peter. The only apprehension Phil recalled feeling when offered the role directly from PJ himself, was in relation to his dancing ability. He was omniscient in the fictional character of Peter, being able to curate the split ends in his story from experiences he had heard of over the years, additionally from personal experience and struggle. Lost Boy was a huge deal but something Phil knew he could rise to the challenge of.

 

“Philip Michael Lester, would you like to get your extremely hot arse in here?” He heard the all too familiar sassy voice from the hallway.

“Yes, Samuel?” He chuckled, kicking his shoes off and joining his boyfriend on the sofa.

“Why the bloody Nora have I found out that you’re going to be in a fucking musical from my mother who texted me to tell you congratulations after seeing you on Wendy this A.M?” Sam quirked his impeccably well-groomed eyebrows in question.

“I’m sorry, it just all happened so fast.” Phil shrugged, cuddling into Sam’s muscular chest for warmth.

The process of him being cast as Peter was fairly quick, he wasn’t lying about that. PJ had sent him a strangely worded email, something Phil now recognised as characteristically PJ, vaguely describing what the musical was about and that he’d been watching Phil’s videos to see if he could sing after a “friend of a friend” had pointed him in Phil’s direction. But he had known that PJ had wanted to cast him as Peter for well over a month, logistics had to be sorted primarily.

 “It’s not like I’m not immensely proud of you, baby but you know I get angry when you keep things from me.” Sam retorted, Phil thought in a manner uncalled for during their current conversation.

“Well it’s not like I kept some big secret from you, the other lead role didn’t know I was going to be cast until it was announced this morning, I had to let Playlist know that I wouldn’t make it this year and make sure some other small projects could be moved forward and others pushed back. I found out last night that I could one hundred percent play Peter, you were on your flight home. What was I to do?”

“You know what, it doesn’t matter. Did you meet anyone else from the cast?”

“No, it was only the lad that will play Gabriel at the show, then me and PJ who created it went to brunch and ended up going to a games cafe afterward. He’s straight, before you make a snarky comment about that.” Phil was getting wound tighter with every petty comment leaving Sam’s glossy lips.

 

“So, tell me about the guy that’s playing Gabriel, who is he? Not seen him if he has a channel or anything.” Half of Phil’s brain took notice of the absence in sarcasm within Sam’s answer to him, who was acting as if the comment about PJ’s sexuality didn’t exist.

“He’s called Daniel Howell. He’s a big deal, seems to have dozens of fans following his every move, be that within theatre or modelling. Went to that fancy theatre school all the hot shot singers do, paid for anonymously by someone who found his talent in School of Rock ground-breaking.”

“Someone’s done their research.” Sam laughed, cracks of bitterness appearing through his words.

“Of course, I’m going to Google the guy that I have to act beside.” Phil replied innocently.

“Daniel Howell is his name, yeah? Do you mean this Daniel Howell?” Sam reached into his wallet and pulled out a small laminated piece of paper, inching out of Phil’s grip. Phil gulped.

 

In Sam’s hand was his “free pass” list of celebrities that he had agreed to let Phil get with, if any opportunity had arisen. The deal was made in a bantering manner, neither of the two expecting to ever come face-to-face with anyone off the list, never mind be contracted to spend a hefty number of hours daily for months in close proximity.

“I really regret making you watch that episode of Friends with me that one time.” Phil said, voice almost noiseless with embarrassment.

“Daniel Howell is number one on the list phil. Underlined, bold and in italic. You clearly have a thing for him.” Sam spat bitterly.

“Well obviously I do if he’s first on the list, Sam.” Phil matched his boyfriend’s expression of words perfectly, judged by the flare of anger in Sam’s normally cloudy grey eyes.

“Brilliant to know, when he couldn’t look more the opposite of me.”

Phil took in the appearance of the body which expanded the distance between his and Phil’s own with each second that passed. Sam’s tanned skin, dyed bleach blonde straight locks and always formal dress sense differed vastly from the small array of personal photographs on Daniel’s Instagram page - the ones that weren’t taken during photoshoots but at home in his kitchen or hallway, dark skinny jeans and curly hair perfectly matching whatever black jumper he decided to engulf his slim frame in.

“You know you’re hot Sam.” Phil stated matter-of-factly.

“Course I do. But do also fuck off, Phil. Wouldn’t hurt for you to appreciate what you have sometimes, you’re lucky you got me, yanno.”

Phil stayed silent.

“What’s the game plan with Howell then? Backstage blowjob? Dressing room pre-show ritual?” Sam carried on his torment. Phil couldn’t decipher if the blonde was trying to torture himself of Phil more with his words.

“He’s straight.” Phil stated.

“Wouldn’t stop me from trying.” Sam laughed almost demonically. “Plus, who the fuck do you think you are being able to pull such a fit lad? Just because you managed to get me? Oh please, Phil this humour tonight is top comedy.”

“Well you fucking know what?” Phil stood, his profanity illustrating the seriousness in his next words to Sam. He tried with all his might to convey the upset his boyfriend caused him too often with just his choice of words into all the negativity he had been avoiding putting into the world for years:

 

“I’ll prove to everyone that he isn’t straight. After that, I’m going to do everything in my power to prove that I can get into bed with him. I’m going to use my free pass, and you can bet that I’ll succeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that will be the only change of narration within a chapter, sorry if that isn't your thing!


	3. III

“Hello?” Dan answered his phone politely, ignoring the fluttering of butterflies in his stomach. It had been a long day after a tiresome night of overthinking for him, head swimming with a debate about Lost Boy and its dynamics. One of the questions was how Phil Lester would slot into the story that meant so much to Dan, even if no one knew it did.

Dan managed to draw his attention back to the conversation seeping into his left ear, managing to tune into the end of PJ’s never-ending dialogue.

“You need to set off in approximately four minutes to beat Phil to my apartment. Before you try to butt-in please remember that as your best friend, I know that you need time to prepare yourself for encounters with new people off-stage.”

“Bloody hell, PJ.” Was all Dan could elicit in response to his friend, in total agreement of what had been said.

“Get running, Dan.” PJ had spoken in jest before he hung up the phone, a slight smile playing at Dan’s lips due to the knowledge that PJ was looking out for him.

 

Dan frantically rushed throughout his home - a modest third floor flat with one thankfully large sized bedroom and bathroom, a multi-purpose lounge / kitchen area and a smaller room next to the front door which held a sofa bed, MacBook station and shelf full of his favourite vinyl records. The flat was certainly not the most contemporary, nor extravagant but Dan was gratified that he had obtained a near Central London home at twenty years of age. Especially when most of his old companions were still at University or worked in an office.

Dan pondered his appearance, he glanced in an up and down motion and proceeded to pull the skin-tight t-shirt he’d been wearing since returning from the dance studio the night before off his slim frame. He reached for one of the many baggy jumpers he could use to hide himself under and made sure that his signature chain was around his neck, not able to vacate his apartment without it underneath the neckline of his outfit. Dan grabbed his phone and hurriedly shoved his Air Pods into his ears and made his way down the bustling street toward the cul-de-sac of attached townhouses that PJ’s flat was inside.

 

Dan made his way across the road to the entrance of the park he wanted to cross on his route - it making his journey to PJ’s house a fraction of the time that it would if he walked roadside.

“Sorry Sir, but you can’t enter the park at this time.” Dan looked up from his phone to meet the solemn gaze of… a police officer.

He briefly scanned the vision before him, noticing that a white gazebo had been erected across the crisp field, dozens of police officers pacing about with their duties in mind. What looked to be a group of detectives were in a huddle in front of the gazebos entrance, their serious tones audible even from the distance away that Dan was.

“Oh, okay. Sorry.”  Was all he could muster in response, trying not to appear vexatious toward the officer.

“It’s alright mate, don’t suppose you’ve seen or heard anything suspicious in the last twenty-four hours though?” The officer inquired.

“Can’t say I have; really sorry I can’t be of much help.” Dan shrugged his shoulders slightly, wanting to make it known to the officer that he was in a rush, but not because he was guilty of any crime. It took a few more minutes of the officer asking Dan questions about the area he lived in before the two were exchanging conclusive parting words before Dan could continue his quest to PJ’s house, walking the long way around.

 

“There you bloody are!” Dan looked up to see PJ leaning out of the main door to his flat, scanning the street, presumably awaiting Dan’s arrival. “You’re showing a lack of professionalism, Howell.” He added with a tut as Dan opened the gate and walked up the short-cobbled path to where his friend stood.

“I don’t mean to, Peej.” Dan sighed, already dreading the night ahead as he stepped through the threshold.

 

Dan shuffled into PJ’s apartment, immediately locking eyes with Phil Lester. He was perched as awkward as he had been the previous day, an essence of trepidation in his wide eyes. In a manner of his own self-consciousness, Dan scanned Phil’s body, drinking in his appearance as Phil himself now sipped his drink from one of PJ’s many miscellaneous and eccentric mugs. Phil Lester was dressed in a flamboyant button up shirt and skinny jeans that ended at his exposed bare ankles, formal shoes on his large feet. Dan noticed that Phil’s fingernails were now painted a dark blue, having perfectly shade matched it to the primary colour on his shirt, the other of which was a hot pink, home to a pattern of flamingos.

 

“Are you going to let me into my own flat, Dan?” PJ asked with a chuckle. Dan mentally facepalmed at himself, not yet having built up his mental wall separating insecure Dan with overly-confident Daniel Howell. He needed to get there before Phil Lester would see through the cracks.

“Nice to see you again Daniel.” Phil’s gaze had never left Dan’s eyes, his confidence hitting Dan’s shieldless self-esteem like a battle of superheroes.

“Wish I could say likewise, Mr AmazingPhil.” Dan said breezily.

“Dan.” PJ barked, absolutely mortified.

“I’m only joking Peej. Relax.” The look Dan shot in Phil’s direction however, hopefully conveyed that this was truly not the case.

PJ took a seat on his sherlock style chair, leaving Dan to take a seat next to Phil Lester on the uncomfortably small loveseat. Dan tucked his legs under him, leaning back into the cushions of the seat, his body language the complete opposite to Phil Lester’s polite posture; sat up straight and far forward, now staring straight ahead into nothingness.

 

“So, Phil. You were saying about your trip to Africa last summer?” PJ supplied, introducing whatever conversation the two had been having before Dan’s arrival.

“Yes, it was incredible. Sam and I, my boyfriend...” The fact that his eyes travelled to Dan’s torso as he spoke the relation Sam was to him did not go unnoticed, Dan wanted to laugh at the strangeness of it. “We went to the specialist hospital that Comic Relief have set up for children born with Aids, and to the local school a few miles away, helping to build them a well on campus. They had such interesting stories that they wanted to share with the both of us, one girl said that she wanted to be an engineer and drew us a picture of us on a train going down a railway that she had built.” PJ made a noise of awe, but Dan bit his tongue from obnoxiously asking how a child in Africa knew about electric railways.

“You’ve had such incredible life experiences.” PJ gushed, leaning forward in his chair as his interest was increasing as Phil carried on with his stories of Africa.

 

“So, what about you Daniel?” Phil Lester turned slightly more toward Dan, albeit warily.

“What about me?” Dan challenged, the last brick settling into place in the guarded wall of his mind.

“Your story, what is it?” Phil smiled slightly.

“Well I’ve done acting and singing classes since I was eight years old, I attended Silver Academy of the Arts until I got pulled out for the Dynamite tour when I was sixteen-”

“No, I mean; what makes Daniel Howell. I could find all of that out from a simple Google search. What’s are your dynamics, what makes your soul?” Phil interrupted him, his tone warm, eyes a mix of intrigue and something wilder.

“I don’t believe that anyone has a soul.” Dan replied flatly. Phil’s mouth turned into an O-shape, caught completely off guard by his comment.

“Ahh actually.” PJ flailed his hands around, Dan hoped not embarrassed of his mannerisms. He couldn’t help it, the being of Phil Lester wound him up to no avail.  “We should order some food in, as Dan knows, my talents lie with storytelling and script writing so I’m afraid I won’t be cooking for us tonight.”

“Pizza from our favourite place?” Dan supplied, having presumed that this would be how the night unfolded culinary wise.

“You know it.” PJ confirmed.

“I’ll have to excuse myself from having pizza.” Phil mumbled quietly.

Dan tried with all of his might not to throw a tantrum. He was no two-year-old.

“That’s okay Phil.” PJ quipped. “What shall we order, we’ll get whatever you fancy.”

“Are you sure? I hate to be a bother. It’s just… Sam is vegan, so I like to accompany that lifestyle as well. As long as there is something vegan on the menu, I’m not too fussy to what it is.”

“So, you’re vegan to please your boyfriend and not for the benefits you believe it has to your body or the world? Weak argument Mr AmazingPhil.” Dan spoke, hoping his tone illustrated his distaste for how Phil lived his life.

“Dan does it matter why he’s vegan? You tried it for like a month, you’re hardly qualified to make sly digs at him.” PJ raised an eyebrow, trying to have a private conversation with him, Dan assumed.

PJ looked a cocktail of furious, disappointed and confused. Dan gulped.

“How come you didn’t stay vegan?” Phil asked, seemingly oblivious to the exchange between PJ and Dan.

“Tour life.” Dan stated simply. “Sometimes we’d have forty-five minutes between the conclusion of the matinee performance to the first call of the evening. Finding vegan-friendly options in that time frame wasn’t easy, especially having to meet fans at the stage door when leaving to go and get it.

“Here, there’s a place that does vegan food near Dan’s flat. I’ll give them a call. What would you like?” PJ showed Dan his phone screen which displayed the menu.

“Literally whatever you’re having, Peej. You won’t be able to eat anything not drowned in cheese, so I’ll just be laughing at your attempts to eat a food you utterly hate.” Dan snickered, zoning out whilst Phil gave PJ his order and PJ ventured into the kitchen to phone the take-away.

 

As he tried to drone out the persistent humming coming from the man seated next to him, Dan pondered what even made Phil Lester so utterly unbearable. His aim was not to hurt PJ with his unkindness to his co-lead, or even Phil himself if he has been completely honest. It was just so unfair that Phil Lester had a perfect life, seemingly never having to struggled for one day of his existence and he ended up with the main role of a musical. Dan had still auditioned for his role as Gabriel, almost losing it to an even better performer (which he hated to admit to himself). Phil seemed to just breeze into the role of Peter and didn’t seem phased in the slightest about tackling his complex backstory and conveying it to an audience every night for months. Something didn’t click with the scenario in Dan’s mind, how could someone just be famous for being who they are, nevertheless make earnings most likely higher than Dan’s own, for shakily filming a trip to New York paid for them by a holiday company that wanted a promotion.

 

“Right Phil treats on me. Dan, you owe me twenty-seven quid mate.” PJ spoke as he waltzed back into the room.

Dan spluttered.

“Twenty-seven quid? You are having a laugh? You do know I turned down a job on Netflix for this play, right? That’s a steep takeaway, even in London PJ.”

“I’m really sorry you aren’t getting your pizza tonight, Daniel.” Phil spoke up, fiddling with the cuticles on his well-manicured fingernails. Dan briefly considered trying to be nice, unable to due to the over-mannerliness that seeped through his words. There was something too nice about Phil Lester.

“You’ll just have to buy me one on a busy day of the tour.” Dan replied curtly.

“We have to get through tour rehearsals first!” Phil said breezily.

“Don’t remind me.” Dan muttered under his breath, thoughts of the long road ahead for the Lost Boy musical filling his brain with despair.  

 

Once the food arrived, PJ put some sort of anime programme on the television per Phil’s request and the three ate in silence. The air was neither comfortable or tense, Phil Lester either still totally oblivious to the resentment Dan held for him or illustrating acting skills that Dan never dreamed any of his co-stars to possess. Dan could see with the casting glances that he was taking to the side that PJ was definitely not enjoying his meal. They were both eating some form of curry that was a paste in texture and contained a lot of beans. To his other side, Dan could hear Phil obnoxiously crunching on whatever leafy food he had opted for. Phil was providing some form of excited commentary for the programme, something Dan knew PJ detested when the two watched shows together on the regular. Especially with anime like the one Phil had chosen for the trio to watch tonight, as it was too much for PJ to have to concentrate on extra talking whilst reading subtitles.

 

Around halfway through the fourth episode, Dan looked PJ’s way to see that he had now fallen asleep in his chair, head lolled to the side.

“Maybe we should wake him and make our exit.” Phil whispered, his proximity to Dan far too close. Breath causing a tickling sensation to Dan’s cheek.

“No. Once PJ is lights out, he’s gone. I can see you out, but I’ll just get a blanket to throw ‘round him and wash up some of these plates.”

Dan set about the task that he had invented for himself, Phil hovering in the kitchen doorway with a curious look on his face as Dan proceeded to wash up all of their dirty dishes that had accumulated throughout the evening.

 

“We should get going.” Dan ushered the pair out of PJ’s flat and into the cool breeze of late-night London.

“Have you not called an Uber or anything, I thought you said you lived six miles away?” Dan asked once they had stepped onto the pavement and off PJ’s property.

“No, I’d prefer to walk home.” Phil smiled warmly but his eyes held something sad that Dan couldn’t recognise.

“Well, I only take twenty minutes walking home and I’m shitting it.” He admitted. “Think someone was murdered on the park opposite my flat. There’s a proper investigation going on and everything.”

“Let me escort you then, Daniel Howell.” Phil breezed, eyes still bright despite the news that there might be a murderer in the area.

“No, thanks. Just don’t die on your ridiculously long walk home.” He stated before trying to part ways.

“Why, are you scared of Peter dying?” Phil giggled. Giggled. Dan sighed.

“I’d be glad to see someone else playing Peter.” Dan said flatly.

“Come on then, I’ll walk your scared arse home and then you can feel guilty at my death when it gets out in the media that I died walking a damsel in distress home.”

“I don’t need anyone to walk me home. Especially not AmazingPhil.” Dan finished.

“Aww! Dan. You think I’m amazing? Shucks, I’m really looking forward to working with you for months on end.”

“I hope they murder me next.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit shorter than i hope the majority of chapters to be, but a chapter i'm proud of nonetheless! thanks to althea for the banter i needed to get my head around where this fic is going, i owe you gal.


	4. IV

It was as Dan was parted ways with Phil to climb up the stairs to retire for the night himself that the air shifted. Self-proclaimed as always, Dan felt himself to be a tremendous judge of character but also incredible at being tuned-in to the emotions of those around him. Their journey home had felt less tense than he had first anticipated it to with Phil matching his long strides with ease - in the metaphorical and physical sense. Dan’s guard was still at its highest point, with bickering having ensued about his lack of confidence in Phil being able to carry so many solos in songs before being silenced by Phil’s powerful rendition of a shitty pop song that was currently number one.

AmazingPhil may be so amazing due to having the ability to carry on performing the long strides and breeze over any snide remarks in which Dan couldn’t bear to hold back, with them able to bounce off his shield of confidence with force. However, Dan could not miss the downcast in his posture as he stepped away from the entrance to Dan’s building. Shoulders slumped downward as if finally crumbling over whatever weight his demons held, Dan noticed Phil’s eyes crystalline grey in the haunting darkness of the streetlights as he simultaneously closed the front door and Phil pivoted to begin his journey home.

Through his own arrogance, Dan could not bring himself to call after Phil, ask what was on his mind and offer a sofa bed and cup of camomile tea for his worries. He was in no place really, to be picking at the brain of Phil Lester. He couldn’t help to think about performing such action, though. Be it down to the obnoxious, confidently painted nails or overly questioning personality, Dan could feel the differing voices of reason within his brain stumbling over how he should act around the other man.

 

Peeping out of the blinds in his living room, Dan scanned the abandoned street for any sign of Phil Lester before he decided to retire to a state of relaxing - which for himself was overthinking whilst cowering in the darkness. There was no sign of his personal personification of annoyance in the obscure angle of street he could see however, despite the microscopic part of Dan that wanted there to be. If he held belief in fate or a warped version of predestination, he would have shouted after the man and make sure that the tired man behind the mask could relax for a while. Due to the reality being that Phil Lester was long gone, Dan vowed that his behaviour must continue. He was being a shit and this much he could recognise about himself. For some instance or another though, his somewhat cruel actions toward Phil were something beyond his control. This was on his mind as he pattered into the room where he kept his vinyl records and smoothly placed a limited edition Muse LP onto his Crossley, to forget about any inward emotion - even for an hour.

 

Just as he could slip under his bedsheets and forget about the world for a little while, Dan’s phone began to illuminate the room from where it sat on charge. He sighed and scrambled for the device, too intrigued by the outside world to obtain the willpower necessary to ignore any curiosity.  Many notifications from the Twitter app were flowing in; an odd occurrence since only push notifications from verified accounts were enabled. Names that he didn’t recognise flooded his notification tab but each held a common denominator: the Twitter handle AmazingPhil. Dan scrolled for a few moments to find the collective first tweet from Phil which had sparked his phone to have such life so late at night. It was a tweet citing a YouTube link captioned ‘Things are Changing”, which Dan decided to be extremely over-dramatic. The first reply to Phil’s tweet was by someone named Louise asking if he would be doing any videos with Dan and/or PJ whilst the musical was on their agenda. PJ had replied next saying that he was ‘down for anything’ which had resulted in a suggestive reply from Louise. Dan cursed his friend, momentarily mulling over if the concept of jinx were to be real since PJ had woken up mid-slumber for the first time ever to reply to Louise’s tweet by saying only Dan would be taking part in such activities. The most recent notification however, had Dan questioning what his emotions should be in response. Clear as day, with an obnoxious verification tick like his own, was Sam Jenks. Presumably, Phil’s boyfriend Sam. “Activities like that are reserved for me and the babe only Loo, ha ha” accompanied by an excessive amount of obnoxious kiss x’s and a pride flag. Dan pondered how healthy the relationship was if Sam really had to publicly claim Phil in such a passive-aggressive manner.

Dan began his virtual stalk of Phil’s boyfriend’s profile, complete with shirtless beach profile photo and matching shoreline cover image. In a stereotypical sense, Dan could not imagine the pale, slim man who perched on sofas to be enjoying many activities at the beach but instead being sat in his room working on more artistic things or travelling to creative cities like New York, as the video-clip at the television studios had suggested. Sam’s latest post, shared only moments ago was a photograph. Portrait mode in what looked like a fancy apartment master bedroom, Sam stood shirtless in a full length mirror, arms wrapped around the smaller yet taller frame of Phil Lester. Sam’s muscly form engulfed his boyfriend whom Dan noticed looked as uncomfortable as he had when announcing that he did not want to eat pizza back in PJ’s flat. Sam however, donned a sly smirk, eyes piercing the camera as Phil’s own were trained downward. Dan clicked onto the replies before he could think, his eyes met with many cooing at the pair whilst others made a mockery of the blonde, questioning his motives for posting the photo. Dan wondered why Phil’s boyfriend felt so jealous - of whom and for whatever reason. It was clear that this Louise person had meant no menace in her banter, as Phil and another man named Tyler had replied with laughing faces and heart eyed-emojis, calling her a tease.

 He scrolled further down Sam’s profile, noticing how many aspects of the media tab were YouTube thumbnails - all of which had something to do with Phil in the thumbnail. Dan clicked the link to Sam’s own self-titled YouTube channel, noticing that  “I Cheated My Boyfriend”, “We Adopted A Baby” and “addressing the rumours about me….” being the channel’s most popular, all featuring obnoxious red arrows and overly-posed emoted stills of Sam and Phil in each. However, Phil was absent from the latter. Dan clicked onto the video, scrambling for the volume button as a shaky Sam seemed to place the camera down on some sort of flat surface before sitting on the floor of the same luxurious bedroom that Dan recognised from the photo he had not long posted.

“ _This is extremely difficult for me to talk about, you guys.”_ The Sam in the video began, sighing for what looked like dramatic effect in Dan’s eyes - he did know how to spot acting, after all.

“ _I just wanted to let you in on the truth, I can’t have you believing things about me that aren’t true, especially when such rumours aren’t just hurting me.”_ Sam gulped. Dan laughed at the obvious incencerity to the man’s words emitting from his phone speakers. “ _This all affects Phil as well. I can’t have this hurting the man that I love so much.”_ Upon pausing the video, Dan wished he had a midnight snack because this was all too much comedic gold, Sam was a good actor. Clearly, he could fool the majority of the people supporting him. Dan supposed his demographic to be mainly teens and young adults, perhaps the ones to be easiest fooled by something that claims to be sincere. Curiosity peaking, he could not wait any longer to see what foul thing Sam had done that had to result in an apology video.

“ _So, as a lot of you guys will know if you’ve been on the side of Twitter that talks about myself and Phil regularly… something was brought to light that painted an unfair image of myself.”_ Screenshots from Twitter private messages flared up on the screen, along with some Tweets that were made by fans of Phil and/or Sam, with their views of disappointment toward the original screenshot. Dan didn’t pause the video to read the whole thing, he just attempted to skim-read it for the brief moments it was displayed on his screen. The simple gist was slimy messages on the behalf of Sam to a female viewer of the couple, asking her if she wanted to meet up at whatever convention they had been appearing at, whilst Phil was present at a panel. The girl was of age, as many of the comments of the YouTube video pointed out, in Sam’s defense, Dan found as he scrolled through. One of the comments mentioned a statement which she had posted on Twitter, saying that she had become a fan of Sam due to Phil (which many agreed) and as much as she was flattered that Sam wanted relations with her, she couldn’t put someone she idolised - or anyone through that sort of betrayal.

“ _I am not mad at Leila. I couldn’t be,”_ Sam continued, “ _her Twitter has hacked by another fan who posted fake screenshots of a conversation that ‘we had’ at Playlist last month. Leila has been an amazing supporter of myself and Phil, she was one of Phil’s first supporters on Twitter and used to share his videos around - he actually credits her for helping him get to where he is today. For that reason, it is so obvious that the messages between myself and Lelia in that tone never happened. I could never take advantage of a fan in that way, or betray Phil in such a way either._

_I cannot be angry at the way y’all rushed to Phil and Leila’s defence, in fact I credit you all. It is a lot to take in for myself though, some of the harsher messages… but of course I would react the same way if I didn’t know the truth. I hope that this has enlightened you all to what the truth actually is. Full disclosure is that I love Phil Lester with every fibre of my being and I trust Leila that somebody hacked her account - so you all should too. I love y’all so much guys, peace. Mwah.”_

Dan snorted at the end of the video. “That didn’t enlighten me in one bit, Sam mate.” He muttered into the now-darkness of his room.

Dan attempted to understand whatever the mess that was this upload was trying to convey. So published messages about him attempted to cheat on Phil had been outed and he had done an elaborate PR stunt to cover it up? “This is like a fucking telenovela.” Dan spoke louder, clicking on the second of the three most viewed videos before he could think.

 

“ _What the hell is up guys? Today’s video is such an exciting one, that y’all just ain’t ready for. Phil baby, come here?_ ” Sam began the video, a slight American twang to his accent being much more present to Dan’s ears in this video than the serious one. He looked as what can only be described as a somehow-softer version of Phil appeared on the camera, his oversized pastel pink hoodie and fluffy, almost static fringe the total contrast of his boyfriends tank top. Sam adjusted the bandana that was holding his quiff up and flashed his perfect teeth at his audience whilst taking a small bundle of fluff out of Phil’s arms.

“ _So a lot of you have been asking me how we will be celebrating our three year anniversary… I turned twenty-four last week so I’m practically an ugly, wrinkly mess already - someone pass me the anti-ageing cream. Actually, any skin care brands out there, your boy will take a brand deal!”_ Dan gaped, pondering if this is how Sam acted when the camera was off. As much of a nuisance as Phil had been as Dan had expected someone so different to play Peter in Midnight Train, it was a complex equation wondering how the man managed to put up with his partner.

“ _So, we made our next big decision as y’alls favourite couple: Please meet our baby girl Juke!”_ Sam held up a kitten _Lion King_ style. She was a slightly scruffy, purely white bundle, with a black patch that made her nose/mouth appear like an upside down heart. “ _Aww!_ ” Phil cooed from beside them, the first sound he had made the whole video - having not even greeted the audience with anything apart from a simple wave.

“ _She’s Juke with a J- like jukebox._ ” Sam explained as he video came to an end. “ _You can follow her journey with us through checking her Instagram_ , _it’s simply Juke Lester-Jenks- @jukelesterjenks. Make sure to go check it out! Juke and I - oh and Phil, love you guys so much! Mwah!”_ Sam shouted his outro as the video panned to an end-screen with dance music in the background.

Dan cringed at hearing the horrific ending to the video for the second time that night. It was a mess but in all honesty, he wanted to dive deeper into this world that the couple seemed to deem as reality. The words morbid curiosity sprung to his mind.

The last video of Sam’s that Dan could stomach was a clearly clickbaited caption, the upload date after the dramatic cheating scandal. It was a boring video in Dan’s opinion, wasting his precious time. Sam had uploaded a “super-collab” as he liked to name it, with Phil and some American friends of theirs, playing different games, in which he cheated on every single one.

Not knowing how much more he could stomach of the strange man, Dan decided that he should watch one last YouTube video before going to sleep, the one that began this whole virtual quest that he had embarked on - Phil’s upload.

 

“ _Hey guys!”_ Phil waved at the camera, yellow nails on display as he fixed a strand of his quiff before continuing. “ _Grab yourselves a drink or snack - as always I have some herbal tea here myself. If this is your first Q and A of mine, I normally answer questions under the hashtag AmazingQNA but this month I took them on Instagram since I’ve really been loving using stories lately.”_

Dan noticed that AmazingPhil was an extremely joyous character - or perhaps not a character, as Dan couldn’t rule Phil as being fake after only meeting him on two separate occasions. His eyes were a lot more carefree than the eyes that haunted the back of Dan’s mind, holding an emotion he was sure that the other man didn’t know he had seen.

“ _OK, so… The first question is ‘how is Juke doing?’ She isn’t doing the best right now, but thank you all for the positive vibes you have been sending her way. She just wasn’t strong enough to give birth, but we will find out more soon. I’m really interested in the kittens’ safety when they are given up for adoption, so if you guys know any way in which I can make sure they go to safe homes and environments, please let me know in the comments!_

_The next question is ‘is Midnight Train the only project you are working on right now?’ and you guys know how much of a busy body I am. I’m going to be investing everything into learning and developing the skills that I need to give a good performance on stage. However, I’m also going to be publishing videos, as I have been doing for over ten years now. The direction of my videos might broaden, we’ll see what happens shall we?”_ Dan… didn’t despise this side to Phil yet it made him more envious of how easy his living seemed.

“‘ _Opinion on PJ?’ Would you believe this is from Mr Liguori himself?”_ Phil laughed “ _I will link this onto the previous question! I think PJ is a genius - plain and simple. I am beyond grateful that he offered me the role of Peter and I cannot wait for you all to come and see the performance! Myself and PJ have been texting back and forth throwing video ideas around, you might get some interesting things from the both of us over the next few months. I have truly never met anyone with a brain like PJ’s and it’s so refreshing when someone has the same visions of education through art like I do._

_Moving on to the last question for this video; ‘how was it meeting Daniel Howell and do you think the two of you will get on? I love you’ firstly, love you too Eva. Secondly,  it was very strange meeting Daniel Howell. As you guys know, Sam and I have been fans of Daniel and his performance history was something we talked about when we were getting to know one another. I hope that Daniel and I can become friends throughout this project, you guys would be pleased to know he is as pleasant in real life as he comes across throughout his performances and on social media. That is everything for today, I’ll see you guys again soon, look after yourselves and let me know if you’re planning purchase tickets to see Midnight Train when they go on sale Wednesday morning! Don’t forget if you are signed up to the AmazingPhil shop you can get presale tickets through the email that got sent out today. Bye guys!”_

 

Dan lay back in bed. Either Phil Lester was one hell of a liar and for some reason cared about how Dan was received in the media, or was absolutely oblivious to his still unexplainable behaviour. The one good thing was that they didn’t have to meet in the rehearsal space for another two weeks so he would have time to self-reflect and debate about how to pursue his behaviour with the other man - Dan was renowned in the industry for being professional and his behaviour toward Phil thus far hadn’t been. He really should make the effort to be more polite to his co-star. He just didn’t trust something about him. If only he could put his finger on what...


End file.
